Afraid to Be Seen? How to Show Up When You're Scared of the Haters

"Your gifts are so worth sharing."

My friend JoJo said that on the podcast, and I want you to read it twice.

You might know JoJo as one half of Mike and Joelle, the couples comedy millions of people watch. She is also my real life friend. We walk on the beach, we swim in all seasons, and we talk about the thing so many of the women I work with are quietly carrying.

A lot of people say to me, "Vic, you know, I don't wanna show up online," because they are afraid of getting gaslit. Afraid of the comments. Afraid of the haters. Afraid of being seen.

So I asked JoJo, who has millions of eyes on her, how she does it.

Why Being Seen Feels So Scary

Here is the myth: if you were really meant to share your gifts, you wouldn't feel scared.

Here is the truth: almost everyone who shows up feels it. JoJo told me she would consider herself "quite a sensitive person." She feels everything deeply. And she still shows up.

What I have noticed, again and again, is that the fear isn't really about the internet. It is about being seen as we are, not pretty and perfectly polished. JoJo said it beautifully. So much of her confidence came from being filmed at home, hair everywhere after the gym, folding the washing, just being herself.

She also reminded me of something that takes the heat out of a nasty comment. People "see two minutes of my life." They don't know your whole story. They know a moment.

The One Comment Out of Twenty

You know this one. Twenty lovely comments, and your brain goes straight to the one that stings.

"You can have 20 positive comments. There'll be that one negative one."

JoJo didn't pretend it doesn't hurt. She was honest that some comments still get to her. What she does now is different. She sits with it. She reaches out to the people who love her. And she knows that "in a week's time it'll be yesterday's news."

And then she reminds herself whose energy it really is: "It's their negativity. It's their space."

Here is what I love most. When she does reply, she replies with love. She told me she will often feel empathy for the person, because clearly they are not in a happy space. That is not weakness. That is someone who knows who she is.

For me, as a projector, I keep it simple. I don't actually look at my comments on YouTube much. I don't have the capacity, and I don't need to. Knowing your energy is part of protecting it.

Not Everyone Will Love You, and That's Okay

"Not everyone is gonna love you. I know that. That's okay."

JoJo learned this the long way, through years of caring about what people thought of her. What changed was coming back to herself. As long as she is being true to who she is, kind, open and leading with her heart, the rest is not hers to carry.

I say it like this: not my circus, and slay in your own lane. JoJo took it one step further. "Slay in that lane, put some cones on either side and just stick to it."

Get Off the Pedestal

One of the things that drew me to JoJo is that she has millions of followers and is still the most down to earth person I know. No hierarchy. No cool girl clique.

When I asked her about it, she said:

"My business is based on lifting women, so why would I hold myself up here and have others down here?"

"We are all equal," she said. And I felt that in my bones. As a 3/5 in human design, the first thing I say to people is, "Get me off the pedestal because we're in this together." When you stop performing perfection, people feel safe with you. And safe is where real connection begins.

If you are building a spiritual business and wondering whether you can do it as yourself, I wrote about that here: Can You Build a Spiritual Business and Still Be You?

Have a Crack

So what would JoJo say to the woman in her 30s, 40s or 50s who wants to bring her gifts to the world but is frightened of being judged?

First, focus on the one person you are here for. In her words, "what you share is gonna impact at least one person."

Second, borrow her family's saying. "Have a crack at it."

Put the video up. "Don't delete it. Leave it." Every time you show up while you're a little bit scared, you are building the confidence you were waiting to feel first.

And third, come back to the basics. JoJo reminds millions of people every day to drink water and move their body, and some people laugh at how simple it is. But as I always say, "we've got to come back to the basics to be advanced."

Her last message on the podcast was the simplest of all:

"Show up for yourself."

"Just pick something tiny and start there." A glass of water, felt all the way down. Your hands on your heart first thing in the morning. One post. One video. One small yes to yourself.

Because, as JoJo says, you matter.

Victoria Bond was a hairdresser in a small New Zealand town until she woke up to her gifts at 33. Author of Everyone Is a Medium. Read her story.