Your Kids Are Your Mirror: What Your Child Is Reflecting Back to You

"I think kids are my mirror."

MaKenzie Byram said that to me on the podcast, and it took me straight back to the years when my own kids were small.

MaKenzie is an Advanced Human Design Practitioner, a mum of three and the founder of The Clean Mom Edit. She came to this work the hard way, through burnout, and through a baby whose eczema would not settle until she learned to regulate herself first. What she shared about our children as mirrors is something every Mum I know needs to hear.

What Does It Mean That Our Kids Are Our Mirror?

Here is the myth: when our child is struggling, the problem lives in them, so we need to fix their behaviour.

Here is the truth: very often, our children are reflecting something back to us. Not to blame us. To show us.

MaKenzie told me about her seven year old daughter, who had been a little testy and a little pessimistic. Instead of pointing the finger at her daughter, she turned it around. "I start pointing the finger at me. And I'm like, okay, well, where is there a pattern?"

She even asked her husband to help her see it. That is real courage. It is so much easier to correct a child than to look at ourselves.

Our Children Wake Us Up

I woke up to my gifts at 33, when I had my son. Spirit was coming in, my intuition was wide open, and my body suddenly had a lot to say.

I believe that is no accident. As I said to MaKenzie, "our children come and wake us up."

When my kids were babies I asked myself the same few questions over and over: "What is the mirror? What is the trigger? What is the pattern? Am I breathing?"

They are simple questions. They changed everything for me.

You Regulate First

When MaKenzie's third baby arrived with bad eczema, she worked on his gut health, and it wasn't sticking. That is when she realised "he can't regulate himself, he needed me to regulate."

She put it to herself plainly: "you gotta regulate yourself before you can even heal your child."

Mums are the heartbeat of a home. MaKenzie called them "the temperature of the household." When we come back to calm, our children have something calm to come back to.

Three Simple Resets for a Calmer Home

I asked MaKenzie for just a few simple things, because so many of us are too tired to take in a whole new system. Her three steps:

Give yourself space. Our calendars are overflowing. Three kids, three activities each, and no family dinner. Her advice is to "put some more void in your calendar."

Don't look at your phone first thing. She was honest that we are all addicted to it. "Not looking at your phone first thing in the morning" sets a completely different tone for the day.

Set a morning and night rhythm. Simply "setting a good morning and night routine." She sees these three as the foundation for both gut health and nervous system regulation.

I know the voice that says "I don't have time." Years ago a qi master told me, "You need to meditate for 20 minutes a day." I said, "I don't have 20 minutes a day." Then I realised the only person that excuse was hurting was me. So I turned it into a question: "What would it take for me to find the space and time for myself?"

Space started showing up. A friend offering to take the kids to the park. My parents picking them up from kindy. It came because I asked.

Every Child Is Different, and So Are You

Human design gave MaKenzie a new way to see her family. She has a generator, a manifesting generator and a manifestor, and she realised "I can't parent them all the same. And so it's given me the permission just to be different."

I had the same revelation. As a projector with two manifesting generator children, I finally understood why I couldn't keep up, and why I couldn't get them into routine. I always say sacral beings are like race horses and projectors are like birds. A bird trying to run beside a race horse will not get very far.

If you'd like to find your own type, start here: Which Human Design Type Are You, and Why It Matters for Your Gifts

Let Them See You Feel

One of my friends once told me she didn't want her kids to see her as a mess. My kids have seen me cry since they were born. When they ask if I'm okay, I tell them, "I'm just having an emotional release because I'm feeling a certain way."

That is a gift to them. It shows them feelings are safe to have.

And then there is play. MaKenzie's reiki practitioner once told her to go outside and splash in the puddles like a kid. Now she rides the train at the pumpkin patch and lies in the grass. As she says, "the more that I act like a kid, the happier I am."

You Are Love, and You Are Safe

When I asked MaKenzie the one thing she wishes every Mum understood about her nervous system, she said:

"It's okay just to be you, and you are love, and you are safe."

So next time your child pushes every button you have, pause before you correct. Ask, what is the mirror here? Breathe. And remember that the pattern you notice is the pattern you can change.

Victoria Bond was a hairdresser in a small New Zealand town until she woke up to her gifts at 33. Author of Everyone Is a Medium. Read her story.